Download the PDF version: Learning to Sit With Yourself - Building Inner Strength & Resilience

Learning to Sit With Yourself - Building Inner Strength & Resilience

Author: Adam Fistler, BCH - Behavorial Change Consultant ( adam@adamfistler.com )

Why We Meditate

Meditation is one of the most powerful tools for personal growth because it creates space between stimulus and response.

Instead of automatically reacting to a stressor, emotion, or trigger, you learn to observe it, pause, and choose a healthier response.

Benefits of Meditation

General Benefits:

• Reduces stress and anxiety
• Improves focus and mental clarity
• Enhances emotional regulation
• Improves sleep quality
• Strengthens immune function
• Increases self-awareness and compassion

Why Meditation is Especially Important:

• Creates a gap between trigger and action — You learn to notice a difficult emotion or impulse without immediately acting on it. This gap is where real freedom and choice live.
• Helps manage daily stress — Regular practice reduces the intensity and frequency of overwhelming feelings over time.
• Releases stored tension — Many people carry old emotional pain or stress. Meditation (especially through the emotional layer and kriyas) helps release that stored energy safely.
• Rewires the brain — It strengthens the prefrontal cortex (responsible for decision-making) and calms the amygdala (the fear/reaction center).
• Builds self-worth and identity — You stop identifying solely by your temporary struggles and start seeing yourself as a whole person capable of growth.
• Improves relationships — Greater emotional awareness leads to better communication and less reactivity.
• Promotes long-term balance — Studies show people who meditate regularly experience significantly lower levels of chronic stress and reactivity.

What is Meditation?

Meditation is simply training your mind to be present.

It’s not about emptying your mind or stopping all thoughts. It’s about learning to notice your thoughts, feelings, and sensations without getting lost in them or automatically reacting to them.

Think of it like this:

Your mind is like a puppy that runs all over the place. Meditation is gently training that puppy to sit and stay. With practice, your mind becomes calmer, more focused, and less reactive.

Meditation is powerful because it creates space between a trigger and your response. Instead of automatically reacting with frustration, anger, or stress, you learn to pause, observe, and choose a healthier action.

Myth: You have to empty your mind completely to meditate. This is a common myth. Your brain’s job is to think, so of course you are going to have thoughts, it’s impossible to empty your mind completely.

You do not have to be perfect, or even good at this. It takes practice. At first it can be difficult to get past the chatter and noise in the brain. But meditation is like a workout for the brain, and you get better with practice. Just showing up for yourself and doing your best is all that matters!

How to Do Meditation (Simple Instructions)

• Find a comfortable position - Sit upright in a chair or cross-legged on the floor (use a cushion if needed). Keep your back straight but relaxed. You can close your eyes or keep a soft gaze.
• Set a gentle intention (optional but helpful) - Silently say something like: “I am practicing peace.” “I am learning to be present.”
• Focus on your breath or a mantra
  • Simple Breath: Silently say “In” as you breathe in, and “Out” as you breathe out.
  • Or use a mantra: Repeat a single positive word like “Peace”, “Calm”, or “Strength”.
• When your mind wanders (and it will) - That’s normal. Gently bring your attention back to your breath or mantra. No judgment. Just return.

Start with just 5–10 minutes a day. Consistency matters more than length.

The Boats on the Shore Metaphor

Imagine you are sitting peacefully on the shore of a calm lake.

You are safe, grounded, and relaxed.

Boats are slowly floating by on the water.

Each boat represents a thought.

Your job is simple:

• Stay on the shore and watch the boats pass by.
• You don’t need to jump on any boat.
• You don’t need to chase them or analyze where they’re going.

Sometimes you’ll notice you’ve jumped on a boat — meaning you got caught up in a thought, memory, or worry.

That’s okay.

As soon as you notice, gently step back onto the shore and continue watching.

That is meditation.

Guided vs Self-Directed Meditation

• Guided Meditation: A voice leads you step-by-step. Great for beginners.
• Self-Directed Meditation: You practice quietly on your own. Builds deeper independence.

The Three Layers of Meditation

This is a personal model for the three layers of meditation you can expect to experience as you practice. These layers are normal and universal — nearly everyone who meditates, from complete beginners to advanced practitioners and gurus, moves through them. Understanding these layers will help you stay patient and motivated, especially when your mind feels noisy or difficult emotions arise.

Layer 1: The Noisy / Chatter Layer

This is the first layer you will almost certainly encounter when you begin meditating. Your mind is loud, scattered, and full of random thoughts. You may hear things like:

• “This is stupid.”
• “This doesn’t work.”
• “Why am I doing this?”
• “I need to buy eggs.”
• “I need to walk the dog.”
• “What am I having for dinner?”

This noisy chatter is completely normal. It is the first major barrier most people face when starting meditation. Many people quit here because they think “meditation doesn’t work for me.” In reality, this layer is a natural part of the process. With regular practice, this layer becomes quieter and easier to move through. The key is to gently bring your attention back to your breath or mantra without judging yourself.

Layer 2: The Emotional Layer

After some consistent practice, as the mental chatter begins to settle, you enter the emotional layer. Here, deeper feelings and old memories start to surface — past hurts, regrets, anger, sadness, shame, or unresolved stress.

This layer can feel uncomfortable at times, but it is where much of the healing happens. You begin to see old painful events in a new light, often with less judgment and more understanding. Emotions may rise strongly, but as you observe them without pushing them away, they gradually lose their power over you. This is a powerful part of personal growth and emotional well-being.

Layer 3: The Silent / Inner Layer

This is the deepest layer. After spending time in the emotional layer, you experience moments of deep stillness — a quiet “blank space” or peaceful silence in the mind.

This layer is often described as Nirvana, communion with the Divine, or pure awareness. In these moments, you may feel a profound sense of peace, connection, and wholeness. It is a place of deep rest and spiritual nourishment.

What Are Kriyas?

• Involuntary jerks, twitches, or movements during meditation.
• They are a natural release of stored emotional tension and stress.
• More common in self-directed meditation while sitting cross-legged on the floor.

Best Postures for Meditation

• Recommended: Sitting cross-legged on the floor (with cushion) or upright in a straight-back chair.
• Avoid for regular practice: Lying down (makes it easier to fall asleep).
• Exception: Lying down is useful at night for racing thoughts to help you fall asleep.

Simple Meditation Techniques

Here are several easy and effective meditation techniques. Start with one that feels comfortable and practice it daily.

1. Basic Breath Awareness

The simplest and most foundational technique.

• Sit comfortably and close your eyes.
• Silently say to yourself “In” as you breathe in through your nose, and “Out” as you breathe out through your mouth or nose.
• Focus only on the sensation of breathing.
• When your mind wanders (and it will), gently bring your attention back to “In… Out…” without judging yourself.

This builds present-moment awareness and is excellent for calming racing thoughts.

2. Mantra Meditation

• Choose a single positive word or short phrase that supports your intention (examples: “Peace”, “Calm”, “Strength”, “I am safe”, “Release”).
• Repeat the mantra silently in your mind with each breath.
• Whenever you notice your mind has wandered, softly return to repeating the mantra.

This technique gives your mind a gentle “job” to do, making it easier to stay focused.

3. Box Breathing

A structured breathing pattern used by athletes, military personnel, and first responders to reduce stress quickly.

• Inhale quietly through the nose for 4 seconds
• Hold the breath for 4 seconds
• Exhale through the mouth for 4 seconds
• Hold the breath out for 4 seconds
• Repeat for 5–10 rounds. Excellent for managing stress, anxiety, or anger in the moment.

4. 4-6-7 Breathing

A calming technique developed by Dr. Andrew Weil.

• Inhale quietly through the nose for 4 seconds
• Hold the breath for 6 seconds
• Exhale through the mouth (making a “whoosh” sound) for 7 seconds
• Repeat 4–8 times. This is particularly helpful for falling asleep or calming intense emotions.

5. Sound Meditation

• Simply sit and listen to the sounds around you — distant voices, birds, wind, traffic, clocks, etc.
• Don’t label or judge the sounds. Just notice them coming and going.

This is a great technique when your mind is very busy, because it gives your attention something external to rest on.

Other Types of Meditation

• Body Scan: Lie down or sit comfortably. Slowly bring your attention to each part of your body, starting from the top of your head and moving down to your toes. Notice any sensations — tension, warmth, tingling, tightness, or relaxation — without trying to change them. This helps you reconnect with your body and release stored stress.
• Loving-Kindness Meditation (Metta): Silently repeat phrases like “May I be safe. May I be healthy. May I be at peace.” Then extend the same wishes to loved ones, neutral people, and even difficult people.
• Walking Meditation: Walk slowly and mindfully, paying attention to the sensation of your feet touching the ground.
• Gratitude Meditation: Spend a few minutes silently listing things you are grateful for.
• Visualization: Imagine a peaceful place or a positive future outcome in detail, engaging all your senses.

Final Encouragement

You don’t have to be perfect at meditation.

Consistency matters more than perfection.

Every time you gently bring your mind back, you are building a stronger, freer version of yourself.

About The Author

Adam Fistler is a Behavioral Change Consultant, Board Certified Hypnotist, Certified 5-PATH® Hypnotist, and former owner of the Baltimore Hypnosis Center. A member of the International 5-PATH® Hypnosis Association and certified by the National Guild of Hypnotists, Adam has studied hypnosis, behavior change, and the relationship between thoughts, beliefs, emotions, and behavior for more than two decades.

His perspective is shaped by more than professional training. Adam has also lived through addiction and recovery firsthand across South Jersey and the Philadelphia region, including surviving on the streets of Camden. This gives him a deeply personal understanding of the struggle from both sides: as a practitioner who has helped others create change and as someone who has had to confront his own deeply ingrained patterns and beliefs.

During his own recovery, Adam returned to the principles of hypnosis, mindfulness, self-talk, and behavioral change that he had studied throughout his career. He discovered that recovery could be about more than simply managing cravings or avoiding relapse—it could also be an opportunity to understand the beliefs, emotional patterns, and experiences that had shaped his behavior.

Today, Adam combines his professional experience with the lessons of his own journey to serve clients throughout South Jersey, Philadelphia, and beyond, helping others explore the possibility of meaningful, lasting change. His approach is grounded in empathy, curiosity, practical tools, and the belief that people are more than the behaviors they are trying to overcome.

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